Category Archives: Really Stupid Ideas

Attention The Media: Can we just grow up a bit?

Dear The Media,

Yes, you. All of the media. Not just “The Liberal Media,” the monolithic existence of which I haven’t much evidence; but all of you. Fox news, Addicting Info, HuffPo, Palookaville Post.

Can we grow up? Please?

I don’t know if you know what I mean, but I think your subscribers may. At least, I hope we do. When you do things like this you’re embarrassing yourselves and insulting your readers:

Accompanied with headlines like “Michelle Bachmann: Do you want HER to be your president?”

Similar images of her husband have been going around with snide remarks from the left about “Hurr durr, he’s gay.” For the party that claims to be tolerant and pro-LGBTQ, that’s monstrously offensive. I highly recommend you cut it out at once. Other images include:

“Rick Perry Looks Like a Nazi! LOL!”

The Left aren’t the only petty ones. The Right is frequently both wrong and rude, with pettiness coming in mostly in the form of hypocrisy. However, we do periodically see these things:

“Obama Pouts When He Doesn’t Get His Way.”

My point is simple: No one looks good all the time. Most people don’t look good most of the time. It’s really hard to be “on” all the time, even when you know that you need to be on. With people hiding behind (almost literally) every bush and taking pictures of your every move, you’re bound to look stupid sometimes. Even a picture that would have been nice, if taken half a second too early, can make it a positively ridiculous-looking picture. For instance:

This was a picture taken of me at the Maryland Renaissance Festival. It probably would have been nice: I was with a friend (I edited her out because she looked fine and I didn’t want her to accidentally bring up the overall niceness of the picture while I was trying to make a point), my hair was washed, I was wearing a cute dress. However, I was saying something like “Hurry” and it got me mid-hurr. I’d imagine pundits would slap some donkey’s ears on it and send it around saying “Maryanna Price! The Braying Jackass We Knew She was!” Jackass though I may be, this picture doesn’t really do much to support the claim.

Other pictures the media likes to play around with are youthful fun-making. The picture most recently passed around has been of Mitt Romney and his pals playing with money:

As far as Republican candidates go, Romney is probably the most reasonable. I don’t really support him, but this picture didn’t make me like him any less. In fact, it made me like him a bit more. Sure, he’s a rich, entitled, corporate jerk, but this picture doesn’t make him any more of one. It made him seem more human to me, instead of the coifed Frankenstein I’m used to seeing. It’s him, with some friends, playing with money twenty five years ago. Here are some pictures of me playing with friends, along with some headlines I imagine could go with them:

“Maryanna Price’s Bizarre Sexual Pact”

“Self-Proclaimed Feminist Giving Herself to Men”

“Hiding Your Face Won’t Erase the Past, Ms. Price”

“Price Wanton Tree Hugger (And Maybe MORE)”

“From Bra Burning to Brazen Boobies: Why the Feminist Movement are Whores and Hypocrites”

“Two in the Bush”

“Alcohol-Fueled Mistakes of Ms. Price’s Past”

“Price’s Cult Baptismal”

“Don’t Look So Shocked, Mrs. Dr. President.”

They’re unflattering, but they were fun. They weren’t dark or dastardly and, frankly, if I had been a rich, young buck like Romney with business buds, I probably would have taken a picture like that, too. Lord knows I’ve played around with a “fat wad” of cash with my friends.

Here’s a derpy picture of me that was taken when I wasn’t paying attention at matriculation:

Was I licking my lips? Was I sticking my tongue out at someone? Do I just look like that as a sort of ‘screen saver’ when my mind is blank? I have no idea. I’m still tagged in that photo on Facebook and when people come banging at my door in twenty years calling me the herpiest derp to ever derp, I probably won’t care. We saw dozens of these pictures of George Bush Jr. when he was president:

I didn’t like Bush and his presidency was one of the things that catapulted me into a life of dry, political blogging. However, this picture? It doesn’t define him as a leader. I found it by typing “George Bush dumb face” into Google. Yes, it’s a silly-looking face but, honestly, it looks like he’s holding back tears. The picture didn’t come with an article that was readily available, but it seems that he’s at some sort of veterans’ event and that he’s truly moved. Others included him making “monkey” faces (the same face everone makes any time they say something with an “u” sound in it) and a few of him with a great, big grin on his face:

It looks remarkably similar to any number of pictures I have that look exactly the same:

You may be saying “Oh, but Maryanna, we should be able to have our leaders be dignified people who are held to scrutiny and standards.”

I agree. I completely, totally, unabashedly agree. But this isn’t holding them up to standards of scrutiny. This is being the petty middle schoolers you complained about in high school. Despite what we may want to believe, politicians are people. Bush was elected on a wave of “I could have a beer with him.” It may not be what I want in a president, but I do agree that a president should not be a lifeless automaton with his or her finger on the button (metaphorical or real).

I’ve seen this picture used to make Obama look good (“He’s a human!”) and bad (“Sure, Mr. President, THAT’ll create a lot of jobs.”), but what it really makes him is human:

He’s a guy who can still have fun, in addition to being president of the United States. Do I want to have a beer with him? No. Beer is gross and I think that Obama would be a rather boring guy to talk to. He would probably think that I talk funny and that I’m either too political or too goofy. He seems like a nice human and I wouldn’t mind meeting him, but I’m content just seeing him able to have fun in his own time.

This is one of my favorite pictures of George Bush Jr. It shows him as very humbly human and a man who can laugh at himself:

That is the face of a man who knows he made a rather silly mistake, a minor faux pas, who’s making a face of light-hearted self deprecation. I think that takes character. He’s also a quick dodge.

Unflattering photos of all sorts are fine for the vapid paparazzi, but please stop pretending that they’re news.

OMG, a forty year-old woman with two kids has a BELLY! And she has the audacity to say that vegetables should be easily accessible! How DARE she have a milk shake on vacation?!

This isn’t news; it’s gossip, at best.

An unflattering picture of a person does not make them bad, stupid, wicked, foolish, gay, slutty, or even particularly deserving of ridicule. We have plenty of reasons to be cynical over politics and the people who get into them, but attempts to make change for the better (whatever your definition of “better” may be) will not make any headway until we start focusing on the issues rather than the images. This should not be a partisan plea.

If you find a picture of a politician holding a gun to a child’s head, make a headline out of that. If you happen to see a politician buying cocaine in an alley and get a camera phone picture of it, make a headline of that. If you see a politician chewing food, don’t bother. No one looks good chewing. No one can look good chewing. Soulless monsters or not, they have to eat and make their political points using their mouths. Not every picture is going to be one for the album. Get over it and grow up.

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So, you’ve narrowly avoided shutdown.

I would have written this earlier, but I was at a Shutdown Party (basically analogous to a very depressing New Year’s Eve).

Anyway, this is bad news. While I am, in general, against a government shutdown over stupid things, this would have been much stronger if we had shut down. Why? Because now the Tea Baggers and Boehner can go back to their constituencies with their sticky faces grinning and proudly proclaim “We did it! We beat those AWFUL Liberals* who wanted to beat up the Tooth Fairy and use her money to fund immigrants’ abortions!” Meanwhile, what can the Dems say? “In the interest of women having rights and air not being made of poison, we gave the Republicans everything they want. Now, they can have a vote on whether or not women should have rights and if air should be made of poison.”

Weak. Weak and pathetic. In this particular instance, there’s nothing that Dems could have really done (you know, except not tolerating this extremist crap for the past anywhere-from-two-to-fifteen year), but this is still bad news. People who think they are political “independents” will be lulled back into their sense of “Oh, well. I thought the Tea Party was too extreme, but when it came right down to it, they still support women’s health.” and they’ll turn out and vote for the same damned people again.

The Democrats will be doing nothing to tell people that Planned Parenthood doesn’t actually get taxpayer money for abortions, nor will they do anything to combat the Republicans’ lies, lest they hurt someone’s feelings. It’s a disgusting place to be right now for anyone on the “Good Guys'” side, because a third party candidate is extreme or stupid, but the Democrats have all the kick of white rice.

It’s nice that we didn’t have a shutdown and I’m glad that millions of people in the U.S. are feeling safer, but the Tea Party should have stuck to its guns and let themselves be exposed for the crazies they are.

 

 

*Am I the only one dismayed that “Liberal” became a dirty word for years, only to later be switched out for “Progressive?” Pretty soon, they’ll have to step it up again and start using a word like “Humanist** (though plenty in the more religious side already do use it to scare up votes).” Why have we allowed them to have all the power?

 

**Calling the Democrats liberal, progressive or humanist is laughable and an insult to anyone who gives a damn about progressing or humans.

A Modest Proposal for the Culture of LIFE

Maryanna Price

8102 Rhode Island Ave.

College Park, MD 20740

April 1, 2011

Dear Sirs and Madams of the 112th Congress of the United States (and any of you America-hating fascists in the dumbocrat Senate),

It has recently come to my attention that LIFE is an inalienable right to which all people, born and unborn, have a right. This right to LIFE is paramount and should be maintained at any cost, even if it means sacrificing the well-being of already born persons. It means that, in order to preserve LIFE, we should make sure that everyone considers their every action with careful measure, lest they do something that endangers their or another’s LIFE.

That is why I come to you today asking to put forth some new legislation to protect LIFE at all stages, especially as it relates to women making decisions about their LIVES and the LIVES of others. They are outlined below.

1. Compulsory organ donation. Everyday, there are millions of perfectly healthy people walking around with two organs of the same type. This is clearly unacceptable. I’ve heard the argument that women who abort are being selfish and shouldn’t be allowed to, considering how many families there are in want of a child. I haven’t got the statistics any later than 2009, but I’m heartened to hear that each and every one of the 423,773 children who were in foster care were readily adopted by these philanthropists. Considering we need women to give up their uterus’ for the desires of others, it only stands to reason that everyone should be so generous. To that end, I propose a bill that would require all healthy adults over the age of 18 (or under, with parental consent) donate one of each organ that have a duplicate of and that all citizens be required to donate their remaining organs upon death. This will save countless LIVES of people (children, even!) who would have otherwise languished in hospitals untreated.

2. A new bill proposed in Georgia would criminalize some types of miscarriages. This is a great first step! However, we can’t trust women to not spontaneously abort the second they step outside of Georgia’s borders, so I recommend a bill that would codify this sterling piece of legislation into nationwide law. Any woman who miscarries should be directed to the nearest hospital to get a full physical, then questioned by an expert team of politicians and IRS auditors.

3. Protecting the unborn and pre-unborn. All women between the ages of 12 and 48 are to report with their lawful husbands to a clinic before any and all instances of intercourse. In the interest of preserving any potential life, we need to assure that mating takes place in a controlled environment, where it can be observed by scientists. After mating, the man may leave as he pleases, but the woman will, naturally, need to stay for testing and a two-month quarantine. If she has conceived, she’ll remain there for the rest of her pregnancy. Nine months isn’t that long, is it? It’s not as though she would have been doing anything else with that time if she didn’t have kids. Women who fail to conceive will be looked at suspiciously, given a fruit basket and sent home.

4. Personhood for all. Too many people are getting amputations willy-nilly because they’re worried about “gangrene” or think they can’t handle living with a crushed hand. I’m here today to tell you that that’s a bold-faced lie. Here are people who just refuse to suck it up and take responsibility for their new lot in life. Therefore, I stand up and demand that all are given personhood. No more will helpless legs and arms be tossed into the trash by these heartless monsters.

5. Voting rights for all. I used to be blind to how SCIENCE actually works. Fooled by my Evolutionist upbringing, I actually thought that there were stages of development, from zygote, to embryo, to fetus, to infant, to toddler, to child, to preadolescent, to adolescent and so on. I now know that over 9,000,000,000,000 CHILDREN are aborted every day in the United States alone and we need to protect them. The only way to do this is to assure that everyone has a voice in politics. Since these age labels are just propaganda to convince women to kill their CHILDREN and that there is no developmental difference whatsoever between a zygote and a seven year-old, it only stands to reason that a seven year-old is equal to a person in their mid-thirties. It’s a baby, not a toaster! There isn’t some magical day when we all the sudden become smart enough to think about political candidates. I won’t stand by idly while children are systematically stripped of their rights. Children from birth should be given the right to vote. I’m unaware if the technology exists to poll the unborn, but it should be a top priority of our nation to develop it.

6. Eliminate birthdays. Too long have we ignored the halcyon memories of the first nine months of our lives. No longer will we crassly skip past our formative period, distracted by the saccharine fog of friendship, Pooh Bear cakes and clowns. All records should be bumped back approximately nine months to show the true ages of each and every human in our fine nation. To that end, we must also have Conception Certificates and Birth Certificates, lest anyone try to usurp any position of standing in our nation. No longer will children be forced to ignore their innocent memories just because a bunch of pro-abort feminazis want the right to kill their CHILDREN. With conception days, we effectively do two things: 1) We remove the central role on the mother. Giving birth? Whatever. This is about your CHILD, not you. The Me Culture has gone too far in ignoring our children. 2) Allow us all, in a tender way, to access those memories again, of a safer time when we were all still innocent. It will take several generations for us to overcome the prohibition on TRUTH that this nation has hammered into our heads, but with enough time and support from our local communities, we’ll all be able to remember the whole of our lives, instead of just starting with birth. I hope to elevate each and every trimester to the same glowing position in which we revere our crisp memories of our first and second birthdays.

7. Viagra, breast implants and plastic surgery will no longer be covered by insurances and those that do will require a special account and an extra check to pay for. These are unnatural tinkerings with the LORD GOD’s work and it is a sleight against LIFE itself to think that we  should tamper with his design. LIFE is precious and should remain unadulterated in any way. To this end, I also implore my esteemed representatives to make legislation against all things that are unnatural to LIFE, including (but not limited to) pain killers, hair cuts, all medicine not ground from plants, lipstick, cars, airplanes, televisions and clothing not made of animal pelts.

8. A constitutional amendment to demand responsibility. Women are having sex and aborting their babies the next day because they don’t want to take responsibility in their lives. That is why I demand a law against being irresponsible and all associated laws. The good, GOD-fearing people of the U.S. have already dodged a bullet in paying for abortions, thanks to the 112th Congress stripping Unplanned Parenthood of its trillions of dollars of tax-payer money. However, this is simply not enough. I do not want to be caught paying for other people’s mistakes. Hospitals should refuse to treat obese people who have resultant diabetes or heart conditions. No more should the truly responsible Americans have to pay for an ambulance trip for Speedy Gonzales (whose papers have yet to surface): to that end, no one who has an auto accident while going more than the speed limit will be helped. Federal assistance of all sorts should be cut (though you are working very, very hard on that and I do appreciate it, ladies and gentlemen of the Congress) in its entirety, including Social Security and Medicare. What business do those people have living in the lap of luxury when they didn’t plan for their later years?

9. Eliminate tax-payer funding for everything. In deference to the 8th piece of legislation proposed, we the people demand that taxes end immediately. I won’t pay for roads that MUSLIMS want to drive over the speed limit on. Why should it be my concern if a smoker’s house burns down? We need responsibility in all things. Even the military will have to be privatized, because I have it on good authority that the privates are sometimes less than responsible in key areas, such as weapons management and brushing their teeth after meals. If this nation is ever going to climb out of this PC mire, we need to start teaching responsibility, instead of letting everyone live on handouts.

10. Edit the Bible to take out the pro-choice parts. I had been at a loss of how to deal with this, until you fine folks read the Constitution and left out the ugly parts that dealt with slavery. It was a bad time in the U.S., but we’ve moved past that now and don’t want anyone to remember our shame. I believe the LORD GOD may have had a similar episode, as it has come to my attention that the Bible is overwhelmingly pro-choice. There are several passages that refer to life as beginning with ‘first breath (Genesis 2:7, Job 33:4, Ezekiel 37:5&6),’ with fetuses being worth less than born children, both monetarily and in the eyes of the LORD (Exodus 21:22, Genesis 38:24, Leviticus 27:6, Numbers 3:15, Numbers 31:17-18, Psalms 137:8), GOD using abortion as a means of testing fidelity or punishment (Numbers 5:12-31, Hosea 9:11-14, Exodus 11:4-5 and 12:29) and with GOD showing particular attention to one fetus or subset of fetuses, but not extending it to any others (Jeremiah 1:4-5, 1 Corinthians 14:34, Ephesians 5:21-27, 1 Timothy 2:9-15), among others. We need to make sure that these parts of the Bible are swept under the rug to save GOD’s shame, the same way you wonderful folks were able to keep up the good names of our FOUNDING FATHERS.

To that end, I send you this letter, ladies and gentlemen of the 112th Congress of these United States. I think you’ll find that my demands are not unreasonable and are representative of the constituencies who elected you. I thank you for your time and ask that you carry this legislation forth.

Most sincerely yours,

Maryanna Price

Portrait of Obama as a One-Term President

Even before his inauguration, the our president’s detractors have said it is their goal to make sure Obama is a one-term president (which has somehow become a dirty word in the last two and a half years). They aren’t really the ones who control this (or shouldn’t be). Voters should not reelect a president because they realize how much better Candidate X is in his proposed policies, or look at his congressional/senatorial voting record and be floored by his innovations and proposals that made the country a better place.

Instead, they have engaged in a smear campaign against the president and all of his ideas and spent most of the time they do bother campaigning for themselves only informing voters that they were against XYZ that Obama did or that they will undo the few things he has managed to accomplish, while offering very few of their own ideas. Those ideas they have proposed are hateful (like the newly proposed H.R. 358 bill, which seeks to allow hospitals to refuse medically-necessary abortions to save women’s lives) or simply not feasible (like SD’s bid to make gun ownership compulsory in the state, just so they could say “Nanny-nanny boo-boo!” to Obama, who would not be affected by this legislation in anyway way).

Is Barack Obama unpopular? Yes. Is he unpopular because he is a really rotten guy who deserves to lose the presidency in 2012? I do not know. I sure don’t think so. On the surface, he seems like a good guy, but I haven’t been able to see many of his policies in action. He would not have been such a ‘do-nothing president’ if people allowed his ideas to go into effect. Most of what he has done has been swept under the rug and categorically dismissed as socialism. The 2010 election cycle boasted candidates whose only accomplishment advertised was standing against “Obamacare.” Websites like “What the fuck has Obama done so far” are a nice first step, but it is the job of the Obama administration to advertise these good things, not…someone, somewhere.

Democrats, voters and reasonable Republicans need to start working against the hate machine. It was not until well after most of the Democrats in Congress had been voted out that they saw fit to tell the American people “Hey, guys, health care reform doesn’t mean we’re going to come to your house and punch your grandmother in the face.” The flaccid rhetoric of “Um… Health care won’t, um… Excuse me? A-are you listening? Um… I mean, if it isn’t too much trouble…maybe you could… Um… Maybe you could listen to me for a minute? Um… Health care won’t make doctors go extinct. They’ll still make money and stuff…” cannot (and doesn’t) compare to a simple shriek of “OBAMA HATES BABIES.”

In short, Barack Obama probably will be a one-termer. If someone with more of a spine comes up in 2011, my vote will probably not go to Barry. He has alienated his constituencies by being quick to compromise and had two strikes against him from the naysayers before he was even elected (what with being a MuslimterroristNazfascisthippiesocialistcommunistangryblackman jerk and all). I recognize the need for compromise, but he compromises more things away than he should, especially when he should have learned the following things by now:

1. Your compromise will be publicized; what it actually does will not.

2. Those who don’t like you, aren’t going to.

3. Those who do like you are starting to not.

4. Unless you tell people what you’re doing before, during and after you take action, the Fact Vacuum will be filled by other people’s ideas of “Facts.”

5. You are the President. You don’t have as much power as people think, but you do have aids and staffers who could get the word out about what you’re doing. It won’t be easy or popular, but people are willing to listen to the truth* if it gets hammered into their heads hard, often and loud enough*.

*Or not, since 40% of the U.S. population still doesn’t believe in evolution.

Job-Killing Health Care

Bah. They “won;” the GOP Congress got the votes they needed to repeal health care for 32 million people in our country. It *probably* won’t pass the Senate and I *think* I can trust my president not to “compromise,” but it’s still a major downer.

So, in celebration, we should demand that each and every one of the members of Congress who voted for repeal (including the three Democrats who did, Representatives Dan Boren (OK), Mike McIntyre (NC) and Mike Ross (AK)) also opt out of their government-run health care. Contact your representative here:

http://act.credoaction.com/fax/signup.html?cp_id=61&rc=fb_share

I got a message the other day with a “Proposed 28th Amendment” to the Constitution. It reads:

 
“Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States .”

I’m not much of one for forwarding e-mails, but this seems like a nice place to leave that thought. Demand it of your representatives. We should have decided against the feudal system centuries ago.

I still like hot chocolate, though.

My mother bought some boxes of cocoa powder because she loves me and it’s Wintertime. They are regular Swiss Miss and Dark Chocolate Swiss Miss. Great, tasty, wonderful. I was delighted.

While idly reading the box at breakfast time, I noticed something that made me a bit uncomfortable.

In case the pictures aren’t clear enough, let me explain. The original cocoa powder has a white woman happily sipping her cocoa by a window, while the Dark Chocolate powder has a black woman and a man near a fire. In addition to being disproportionately sexualized (especially for a breakfast or generally winter-family-fun drink), this is also just a really stupid idea.

If Swiss Miss had wanted to be “inclusive,” they could have put the black woman on the original box. If they didn’t, they could have had the same woman for both flavors. To avoid any such insinuations of racial insensitivity, they could have had the white and black women switched on their respective cocoa boxes.

This probably isn’t racist, but it is really thoughtless.